Muse #452

what do you do when your biggest hater is the voice inside your head?
yes I hate my self.
have I always...its possible.
although I'll admit a large majority of memories I can not recall despite my young age,
I assume its either drug related or perhaps a mental blockade I created.
what ever the case.
I have a vast recollection of what some days seem like, every bad thing that has ever happened, and its drizzled with what I categorize as fond memories, all be it, perhaps more tranquil or somber in actuality.

Its strange. I do indulge the bile in my head and act out on these inclinations to find that not a soul can stand me while I'm in this place.  I have to exercise a lot of self control to maintain this illusion of normalcy, and my god is it exhausting.

amidst all this bile and uncertainty, exists a being with a voice that brings about a silence so rare and at times welcomed, that Ive now devoted my life to him.

he brings about a quite. he quells the beastly visions and sets upon the war grounds a blanket of peace the reaches all solders that would normally slay away at my soul and most often my sanity.